Brave Space
Queer Cafe operates under the principles of a “brave space”. We recognize that not all spaces can and will be safe for everyone all of the time, and it is not possible to guarantee a blanket safety for everyone. But we can agree on principles which create a space where people can grow and learn while their well-being is safeguarded.
At a brave space, we ask everyone that comes to our space to be open and vulnerable, to invite and accept constructive criticism, to be honest, to assume the best intentions of others, and to recognise that uncomfortable conversations can be the catalyst for change.
Language
While we operate through Romanian, English and Russian, most of the people attending an event will not be native speakers of one of the mentioned languages. It is therefore important to speak clearly and slowly, and be willing to repeat what you have said ad be patient to provide translation. It’s vital to invest time into understanding one another even if it takes some time and effort.
Respect
Please give undivided attention to the person who has the floor (permission to speak). When we are passionate about a topic, we might be inclined to interrupt, but try to ensure you do not speak over others. Be aware of how much time you are taking up in a discussion and ensure everyone who wants to speak gets the opportunity; if you’ve already spoken, ask if anyone wants to take the floor before speaking again and allow a moment of silence to pass to give people a chance to speak up. Be mindful of the language you use, use appropriate pronouns and be responsible in using swearing and slurs. Using slurs in order to offend anyone is unacceptable. At Queer-Café we speak the languages of respect.
Respect should not be conditional on understanding; if someone has an identity you don’t understand, try to lead first with respect, and seek to understand later.
Treat all individuals with kindness, empathy, and respect, regardless of their gender identity, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ability, or any other characteristic.
Look after yourself
While it’s important to give support to others, it’s also extremely important to support yourself. Ensure you get enough water, and food to enjoy the activities. If you are overwhelmed, feel free to remove yourself from the space. Know your own limits so you can stay safe and well.
Non-judgement
We foster a sex-positive and non-judgemental environment. We understand that many decisions are personal, and are impacted by many factors. Therefore, we do not judge others for the actions they take which aren’t harming others.
Right to pass & to leave
You are not obligated to speak or contribute at any point. We can choose to not respond to a challenge. If the discussions that are happening are difficult for you at any time, you are equally not obliged to stay.
Consent and Boundaries
It’s important to respect people’s boundaries when it comes to physical touch, topics they do not want to talk about, or personal information. When expressing your own boundaries, ensure you know how you will respond if they are breached; e.g. “I will have to walk away if you keep bringing up this topic.”
Consent and respect of boundaries should be the basis of every interaction. Consent means that a person agrees on something by choice and having both the freedom and capacity to make that choice. Pressuring or blackmailing someone until they say yes to something is not consent.
Always obtain explicit consent before engaging in any physical contact.
Zero tolerance for sexual harassment and assault
Sexual harassment is any form of unwanted behaviour of a sexual nature, which violates the dignity of a person and creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment.
Sexual harassment can be verbal: sexual jokes and innuendos, compliments about a person’s appearance or body, catcalls, spreading rumours about a person’s sexual life.
Sexual harassment can be non-verbal: buying someone romantic gifts, blocking someone’s path, following someone.
Sexual harassment can be physical: touching someone inappropriately, standing close or brushing up against someone.
Sexual harassment can even include two people speaking about sexual content who are both comfortable with it, but it can create an uncomfortable environment for others around them.
During Queer Cafe’s events, sexual harassment is not tolerated in any forms, and we encourage both victims and bystanders to approach Queer Cafe staff to report instances of sexual harassment, which will be seriously dealt with.
Sexual assault is the sexual touching of a person without their consent. In case of sexual assault, the participant will be excluded immediately from the event and may not participate in any other Queer Cafe events.
Zero Tolerance for Discrimination
Any form of discrimination like sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, or any other form of prejudice, will not be tolerated under any circumstances.
Assumptions
We all walk into a space with conscious and unconscious biases which impact how we interact with others. Often we are unaware of our biases and we do not see how they are impacting our behaviour. Many biases are based on assumptions; we assume we know information about a person based on their gender, religion, nationality, expression, etc. It’s always better to respectfully ask than to assume.
Take the time to listen to others’ experiences and perspectives, especially those from marginalized communities. Be open to learning and understanding different viewpoints.
Respect and learn pronouns
People use different pronouns as a way of referring to themselves. Don’t assume people’s gender, and ask about pronouns (such as they, zie, she, he, etc.). Mistakes happen, but we do not tolerate the intentional use of the wrong name or pronouns. If you see someone is using the wrong name or pronouns of somebody else and you feel comfortable, try to correct them.
Confidentiality
Confidentiality covers many different spheres. Everyone is entitled to share their personal stories at Queer Cafe events, and we should all keep this information confidential. Part of confidentiality also includes taking photos or videos at the event; ensure everyone in a photo/video is happy for it to be shared before sharing it.
Respect individuals’ privacy and confidentiality. Discussing anything that happened in Queer-Café without the consent of the people discussed is forbidden. Don’t make outings for people who come to the Queer Cafe in spaces other than the Queer Cafe.
Responsible usage of camera
Don’t photograph and take videos of people who have red ribbons, they don’t want to appear in photos/videos.
If you don’t want to appear in photos and videos, use a red ribbon that you can find at the entrance of Queer Cafe. We do not hold responsibility for images that were taken with you if you don’t wear the distinct sign that you don’t consent to appear in any photos and videos.
Be supportive, don’t blame the victims
Keep in mind that people that have a hard time have no guilt for it. They do not need to be told what to do with it, the just need support. Offer support and encouragement to those who may be facing challenges or discrimination. Stand in solidarity with marginalized communities and actively work towards equality and justice.
The campsite rule /Keep it clean
In physical space, we follow the “campsite rule”, which is to leave a space as you found it: please take your rubbish with you, put caps back on the markers and help reset the space if furniture has been moved if you are able.
Be sure to leave the Queer-Café clean and tidy. Do not leave trash or food rest, throw it to the can. Place all the furniture to the place you find it. Respect the place and sort the rubbish.
Alcohol consumption and drug use
One of the principles of Queer Cafe events is non-judgement: we do not judge others for the actions they take which aren’t harming others.
This applies also to alcohol consumption and drug use. Such behaviour is not stigmatised as long as it does not impact your active participation in the event, the wellbeing of other participants and the respect of this Code of Conduct.
Being intoxicated will not represent an excuse or a mitigating factor in case you breach the Code of Conduct.
When it comes to sexual assault, it is important to remind that an intoxicated person is not able to consent, therefore engaging in any sexual activity with a person who is drunk or drugged amounts to sexual assault.
Finally, be aware of the local legislation regarding drinking in public and recreational drug use.
Smoking
No smoking/vaping inside, even IQOS, be aware that the smoke inside will trigger the fire alarm.
Trigger warnings
Everyone is entitled to share their experiences; the positive and negative. We want to balance your ability to share with the well-being of those listening. A trigger or content warning is a statement made before sharing potentially disturbing content. In order to give a proper trigger warning, you must categorise the potential trigger. For example, Timo is speaking about their experience at home which involves domestic violence, Timo starts with “Trigger warning for domestic violence” and pauses, leaving time for people who do not want to hear the rest to remove themselves.
Let us know beforehand if you are likely to be triggered by the content. It is not always possible to know what might trigger someone, and if you do accidentally upset someone you can let us know that they might need to be checked on.
Politics
We here have people from different countries, so be aware that some discussions can be triggering. Justifying or approving violent actions is unacceptable.
Children control
Children under 14 years old, even with their parents, are not allowed at events that are later than 10:00 pm.
Intent vs Impact
As has already been stated, we recognise the benefit of uncomfortable conversations and we invite constructive criticism as a part of our growth. If you receive criticism for an action or something you said, it is important to focus on the impact you have had rather than your intent. Impact refers to the outcome of your actions or inactions; intent refers to whether this impact was purposeful or unintended. It’s always important to listen to the impact of our actions even if we did not intend them.
Apologise
If you have said something that didn’t feel right for another participant, just apologise. Sometimes, we all do or say things that are harmful to someone else. Please, avoid understating other people’s feelings by saying that it was just a joke or that you did not mean bad. Just say you are sorry and move on. Many times, it can be tempting to say how bad you feel because you messed up or how hard it is for you to get it right. Try to avoid this, as it might make the other person feel responsible for comforting you.
Speak Up Against Injustice
If you witness or experience any form of harassment, discrimination, or injustice, speak up and report it to the organizers or staff immediately. Silence only perpetuates harm.
If you need to talk about a situation that happened to you at the Queer Cafe where you were assaulted or had your rights violated, to talk to the staff. You can also can fiil out a report form, and we will get in contact with you.
Be aware of the local legislation, and we encourage you to report crimes directly to 112.